I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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