Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
