i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize