I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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