i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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