The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
