sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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