margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
