Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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