her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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