I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
