he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
