i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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