Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
