I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
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