Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
