i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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