Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
