My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
