wanna go halves on a baby?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
