Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
