My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
