I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize