Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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