If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
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She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
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I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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