so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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