i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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