Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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