sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
