Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
