Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
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margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
and you fell through a lawn chair
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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