I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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