Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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