shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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