So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
