the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
