Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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