After last night, I could never be a politician.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
