At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
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Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
How external is "for external use only"?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
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Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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