My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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