The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
