yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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