having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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