This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
