im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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