I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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