My friends, they love my intelligence
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
