Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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