I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
