he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
