I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
