Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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