Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
