I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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