my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
