She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
