i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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