So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
