So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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