PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
